Oh love. Such a complicated word. Such a beautiful, sweet, princess’s and unicorns, word. Hahah! Wrong. Love is not what everyone thinks….. and I’m here to tell you guys why we need to hold back on the whole idea.
Let me explain. From personal experience of course. I can remember exactly when boys became a big deal. It was about sixth grade. I was expecting to go into middle school with the best friends I had always had since kindergarten, have an enjoyable experience, and then the boys would come later, in high school. Oh how wrong I was. Boys came the first day of sixth grade. One of my very best friends, who used to be very chubby and not at all popular, had some how thinned out between the summer of fifth grade and the first day of sixth grade. I thought I knew my friends. I thought we would stick together and not be poisoned by these little monsters. Let me tell ya, from the first day of sixth grade onward, boys were the center of our…their… attention. And me, I just was not ready for it. I was still a short, chubby, more interested in myself and what the newest style at Limited Too was. Slowly but surely I caught on to the whole…boy thing.
I caught on only because I didn’t want to be left out. I think that’s what most young girls go through. One girl gets the boy fever, then the next one gets it only because the other one did, not necessarily because she truly wanted the boys attention. Until I graduated high school, I can honestly say that’s absolutely the only reason I ever wanted a boyfriend. My friends had them, and I wanted one too! Sadly, this is something I see soooo many people go through outside of high school.
So I want to point out some huge misconceptions on falling in love, what love is, and why it’s dumb to want it so badly!
- The Rush
The only reason most of us want a boyfriend/girlfriend is because other people have them. The secret is, there is no reason to want one until you’ve found someone you actually like. I have friends who would constantly say things like, ” I want a girlfriend“, or, “When am I going to get a boyfriend“. Well, you wont ever find one by looking (most of the time). The other thing that drives me insane and just doesn’t make any sense to me at all, is seeing young couples getting married. Growing up, my parents were divorced before I could even crawl, many of my friends parents were divorced, but for some reason all of these kids in their 20s are rushing to get married! I don’t understand! If you love someone, won’t you be able to get married to them any time? Like..five or ten years from now? If you’re afraid that your partner won’t be there in five or ten years because you didn’t marry them….maybe that answers the question in itself! My mom has been divorced two times and for some reason she would only allow my boyfriend to come on vacation with us or stay the night at our house if we got married…. what!? I’m only twenty years old, she’s been divorced twice, but she’s trying to push me to get married already! Trust me, if you want to dress up and celebrate something there are a hundred different things to celebrate other than marriage and it’s a whole lot cheaper than a wedding.
2. Feeling “In Love“
I’ve read a ton of different blog post about how you will eventually not feel the butterfly’s in your stomach after you’ve been with your partner for awhile and it’s totally normal to feel nothing for them….what?! You know how you feel the feeling of being in love for the rest of your life? You stick with the person you have fun with. You stick with the person who becomes your very very very best friend. You stick with the person who you didn’t see coming. You don’t stick with someone when you’re 17 years old just because some blogger said that you would feel nothing for them in a few years anyways. I see so many of my friends on Facebook share these articles saying you have to settle and blah blah blah. It’s just not true and far from it! I had a boyfriend who I dated in high school for two years. He was everything I wanted for high school, but once I started thinking about him being the father of my children in ten years… he became everything I didn’t want. I was so unhappy for the last year that I dated him. I would talk to my friends about it. I would tell them how I was so bored and how I never wanted to hang out with him any more. Every single one of them told me, “that’s just how relationships are“. If you ever tell someone that you are miserable in your relationship and they tell you, “that’s just how relationships are“, you better find you some new friends. My current boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now and I have never not wanted to be with him. We are best friends, we do everything together because it’s better! We have fun all the time even when we’re just chilling at our house. It really is like living with your best friend. Every night feels like a slumber party, but more comfortable. That’s exactly how love should be. Not you begging for them to go hang out with their own friends for once.
3. Growing Together
I think what most of those articles and bloggers are trying to say is that when you really love someone, you will have to work and grow together. Love is not always butterfly’s and rainbows. Sometimes it’s really hard but you always work through it, pretty easily, because it’s worth it. If every day feels like a fight and every day feels like you are just finding more and more things you don’t like about the other person, it’s probably time to move on. When you guys are right for each other, you will get in fights but you will both try your best to find a common ground and make each other happy when it’s over. If you aren’t fighting at all, that’s also probably a sign that it’s not the right person. Fighting shows that you really care enough about the other person, it shows that they can hurt your feelings, it shows they can make you mad, but most of all fighting shows that you care. Fighting isn’t bad, it actually makes your relationships stronger. My boyfriend and I are not the same people or even the same couple we were three years ago, even one year ago. We’ve grown so much as people and closer together because of it. People change, but if someone means enough to you, you guys will evolve and mold something better out of that change.
If you want a boyfriend or a girlfriend, just wait. As soon as you stop looking, someone will unexpectedly pop into your life, out of the blue, and you won’t see it coming. If you have feelings for someone, tell them. You could be that person that pops into their life unexpectedly. But the best things take time. There should be no rush to fall in love or to get married or any of that. If someone really matters and really cares they will be there in another five years. What’s the harm in waiting? Until you find the right person just work on yourself. Learn more about yourself. Perfect yourself. The right person will notice.